Chapter 4
The Plane
We were all in first class. I had booked first class. This was the part I felt guilty about. Not because they didn't deserve it, but because Jessica was going to sit next to me for seven hours and we were not going to speak.
She chose the window. I chose the aisle. My husband Bob sat across from us. Daniel sat behind me. The kids sat behind Jessica.
For three hours, the only sound between us was breathing and the engine hum. I read a book. She watched a movie. Bob dozed with his mouth open, the way he always did when he was nervous. He knew something had happened. He just didn't know what to do with it, so he slept.
At about the fourth hour, Jessica took off her earbuds.
"Mom," she said. She called me Mom in that voice. The flat, careful voice she used when she was about to say something that wasn't an apology but wanted to sound like one.
"Yes?"
"You didn't have to do that. The — the card thing. In front of everyone."
I turned to look at her. I want to be honest about what I said because I'm proud of it. Not because it was cruel. Because it was true.
"I did have to do that," I said. "You had already decided who I was. And you said it out loud. You don't get to decide what someone is and then act surprised when they show you that you're wrong."
May you like
She opened her mouth. Closed it. Put her earbuds back in.
I didn't ask her to apologize. I didn't want an apology. What I wanted was for her to see me, and for about four hours, that was enough.
